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Channel: beauty – my delusions
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the photojournalist

gives me his address and tells me to stop by. says he wants to read to me. yes, read to me. so i do. and he does. among other things. but then he starts in on the questions. he wants to know about my...

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2 hours, 9 minutes

He is, quite simply, everything. The entire rest of the adult male population means nothing to her, except perhaps in their contrast. “You’re leaving?” he asks, when he comes back from the bathroom...

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rock garden

Shortly after Mum threw the hammer at my little brother, I was finally awarded custody of him. It was a mixed blessing. Tripp, at 14, and I, at 24, were both relieved to have finally escaped Mum’s...

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manless january, the return

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” -Oscar Wilde So I forgot to tell you about Manless January, which is a holiday I...

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final frame

The last time I saw the photojournalist, we scheduled a tearing apart. I was so dazed afterwards that it’s been hard to find the words. Even now, with a few months distance, I doubt I’ll be able to do...

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tagging the surgeon

So the surgeon suggests, three consecutive times, that we go out. Like on a date, I guess. I have a fondness for the surgeon because, despite having my number, he only ever corresponds with me...

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our legacy

This week my son, Django, went off with his dad, The Piranha, to the islands. This was a big step, I guess. Because there have been years, off and on, that the two wanted very little to do with each...

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absence

“I want you to be fast asleep when I get there.” This is the text he sends, in response to my letting him know I’m in the city. It’s a little game we play. Although, honestly, I’d forgotten. It’s been...

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mr. kane

He likes me because of my thigh-high stockings. I know this because he told me. He’s charitable in his verbal appreciation of me. Though I can’t be certain, I suspect his loquacity probably helps...

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the unmade bed

so some alarm on his phone chimes and he slides out of bed and into the shower. and before i’ve really thought it through, i’m fleeing my own hotel room. because my love for him is a fucking delicious...

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the weeping willow

As an adult, all of the memories she has about him fall under one simple category: Sad Lessons on Life & Love. Still, as a child, there was Daddy. Bringing her presents and leaving her notes in...

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show me who you are

This summer, I take Lovey and Django on a three-day car trip across four states. A sixteen-year-old boy, now an equal part of our eclectic family, also joins. Somehow, it’s in this spinning of wheels...

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the writer

You don’t know why you dream about the writer. Seems like probably just because you fell asleep reading My Struggle. But there’s a lot going on in the dream, and it feels significant in the way that...

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the hacker

He smiles menacingly, his stupid sexy rocker hair hanging in his face as he hovers over her. “Listen, I’m happy to keep the mystery going,” he concedes, as regards her withholding her name. “Just give...

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when your sister comes back from the dead in order to die ~ how it begins

If you really want to know about my sister, we have to go so far back. It’s why I have this resistance around mentioning her. Ever. Quiet observation tells me that there was never a more complicated...

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balance

The hacker likes me, I suspect, for all of the things he can’t have from me, for all of the things I don’t give him. He doesn’t like me because I make him feel complete; he likes me because I make him...

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i want

Next time I see him, I want to beat my fists on his endless expanse of chest. I keep having visions of it, of how good it will feel. Of how I’ll really get into it, a tiny, full-blown rampage. Story...

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the street

So Hyde rescued me. Life got confusing, too big, too difficult to navigate. My mind’s graffiti art became dizzying, no longer lovely in its overlap. I spent overheated days trying to differentiate the...

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little ankles

Every day now, I take my sister to receive brain radiation. She gets locked into a mask and affixed to a table, a box is lowered over her head, and she squeezes her eyes closed while a searing light...

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he happened before

the time is coming when i will go back into the photojournalist i feel it like that child of five scary thing behind me falling up dark cellar stairs the time is coming when i will crawl back into him...

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